Don Barone: The Bass Mobile

Our Itinerant Freelance Journalist friend, Don Barone, is not about to let the biggest economic downturn of the century come between him and his ability to lead Bigfoot hunting parties or cover bass fishing tournaments. Check out his stories at http://www.donbaroneoutdoors.com/

(Editor's Note: The presence of a life preserver in the Bass Mobile does not mean that it is amphibious.)

Don Barone : When Recession Bites You In The A$$

Ever since we read his first story over at ESPN we have been what amounts to fans of the work of outdoor journo Don Barone. DB has he is known in the fishing world, recently became a victim of the recession getting sliced from the mainstream media even though he was writing some of the most popular stories on the outdoor net. Don received a FlyfishMagazine.com award for having a "Job that probably did not suck" which appears to have been his undoing. Look out Joan, Brian, Lefty, and Jose. This could be the fishing equivalent of the SI cover curse.

So what does a media guy do when the media he gave his blood, sweat, and tears for tells him to take his jelly donuts and go home? He covers the sport he loves anyway, albeit doing so on his own dime, all the while writing his book "The Hula Girl Diaries" (also published online) and reaching out to his fans to help fund his adventures.

"It was suggested "in jest" by one of my several thousand bosses that. "How cool would it be for you to take a Greyhound bus to….and write about the adventure of getting there to cover the event." I passed.

I have a minivan. With a dashboard Hula Girl named, Leilani, Jill my GPS-speak "Recalculating" bitch-in-a-box and U.S. Government approved luggage: 6 white plastic United States Postal Service mail bins.
I'll be fine.
So far I'm a National Traveling Internet Columnist w/o A Travel Budget for $312.52 plus shipping (Leilani $12.99, GPS-Jill $299.53)."
I "borrowed" my luggage from Ron the mail guy. No db editorial budget line cost there.

So he hit the road and is financing his journey with the sale of dashboard hula girls doing the service of helping freshen the stinky passenger compartments of anglers all over the USA.

The prices:

$5.00 each for Hula Girls Signed by DB

$6.00 for unsigned Hula Girls

$264 for those who's name we dare not speak or it will screw up our content ads (Sea Kitten Lovers)

$9,999 for IRS Employees

Check out Don's website http://www.donbaroneoutdoors.com/ for all the details and help a brother out.

PS. Don's big into covering Bass fishing. It is OK. He does occasionally write about fly fishing. There is hope for him.

Jobs that probably do not suck...

This week's edition of FlyFishMagazine.com's "Jobs that probably do not suck" is awarded to none other than ESPN and BASS outdoor writer, Don Barone. We have been following DB's well chronicled escapades for quite an while and have found him to be a talented humorist who is well qualified for the award.

For example, while I, in all my pseudo- editorial glory, am slaving away answering last minute Board of Directors questions about why the housing market stinks and builders can't pay for their lumber(they all drive new trucks you know), DB is off on a no doubt expense report rich "tour "of Southern bass fishing spots, hobnobbing with professional anglers, and dining on local delicacies (read as Jelly doughnuts and boiled peanuts). Sure Don has an occasional brush with the supernatural and only occasionally writes about fly fishing, but his story telling acumen makes his work excellent reading.

The best we can make out from our spot in the corporate ivory tower Don's job is to go places, hang out with fishermen, and let things happen to him that can be written about later. He also is affiliated with a group of self described "Bigfoot Exterminators." For these reasons we declare that his "job probably does not suck."

Check out Don's latest article at ESPN Outdoors - "Salmon, steelhead and slobber" and his own personal website Don Barone Outdoors.

Click here to see our previous picks for this prestigious award.

Editorial disclaimer - examples of jobs that I may or may not perform mentioned in these postings are in no way intended to imply that my job was anything less than a joy to perform. They are simply used for contrast purposes and all reading this should remember that it is my great co-workers who regularly read this blog who make it all worthwhile....

Wherein a Connecticut Yankee learns of a southern delicacy...

ESPN's Don Barone visits South Carolina for some bass fishing event and runs into the one thing no self respecting southerner can pass by without stopping to get some....The Boiled Peanut.

Dona: "They a Southern delicacy. We boil them in salted water, and when they 'bout done we use a boat paddle to scoop them out of the tub and let them sit up on the paddle a bit before you bag 'em. Go ahead, EAT IT."

So I did.

You kind of squish them open — soundless peanuts — with the shell just kind of sticking to my finger like melted chocolate, and in what seemed like slow motion, put two of the three nuts in my mouth.

Don's take on the Southern staple?

I'm in South Carolina, what, maybe two hours, both Vic and Dona had mentioned I was a "long way from 'Ke-net-ta-kit' and I have in my mouth that same taste that you get when you do a header into a pond and come up with the bottom of the pond flooring stuck between your wisdom teeth.

I say nothing, in fact I'm afraid to move ANY mouth muscle fearing an involuntary swallow, either going down, or coming up.

And then Dona reaches under the counter AGAIN. "Here," she says while handing me a rather large paper towel…"they an acquired taste."

Apparently northern types can't handle the taste. Now if only we'd thought to deliver a sack of these to General Sherman at just the right moment we might still have a bunch of those old wooden buildings in Atlanta.

Oh there is some fishing in the article as well.

Photo credit: Don Barone

ESPN's Don Barone: Bass Dreams

Don Barone of ESPN Outdoors has a new article out. This time he is chasing bass with a fly rod while hanging out with Fred Wilson. Fred is an angler who isn't afraid to pick up the long rod during a bass tournament or two. Don puts him to the test by bringing along a novice fly angler and an accomplished professional bass fisherman.

Both Rich and Ken are listening to what Fred is saying. Rich is new to fly fishing and is pretty much getting a five-hour lesson, Ken has fly fished before, and is buying some of what Fred is say, but not all of it: "If I was going to try this, and I'm not recommending anyone do it in a tournament, but for fun fishing, I would do it in the summertime when I could throw some topwater."

Fred just smiles.

You can tell he's heard it before, "I been laughed at, sumthin'-sumthin' this or that ... I know I'm compulsive, but I'm telling you if you want an advantage over the guy in the next boat, fly fishing for bass will give you that advantage."

Read Don's entire article via ESPN Outdoors. Don's commentary on fishing licenses is priceless.

Don Barone's ESPN Outdoors Debut

One of our favorite outdoor writers is Don Barone. Don recently made the switch from ESPN feature producer to ESPN Outdoors web columnist. Don's debut article for his new bosses reminds us that "There's and outside out there."

I actually remember the first time I knew there was an outside: It was Christmas Day, 1959. (I was 7.)

And I was standing in it — The Outside, that is. And trust me, for a kid from Buffalo to be outside on Christmas Day in SHORTS with all my knees, ankles and elbows all wiggling around in the air was, as my Grandma Tess used to say, "A damn miracle, Donny … just a damn miracle."

Years later I found out the "Damn Miracle" was actually Florida.

Don Barone Outdoors is Live

Friend of FlyFishMagazine.com Don Barone has launched his new website, DonBaroneOutdoors.com.

The site will include Don's excellent articles and what can only be described as much, much, more.

Don Barone: War and Fishing

ESPN's Don Barone is leaving the ESPN studios to write for ESPNOutdoors.com and B.A.S.S. Before he moves on he sent us a link to one of his best stories yet about a fishing trip with a wounded warrior.

Here is an excerpt from his ESPN.com article:

Dan Laffin, standing up in the turret, was getting lit up from RPG's (Rocket Propelled Grenades). Out of the night, from both sides of the road shoulder-fired bombs streaked into the Humvee, and landed right next to where Dan was standing.

Dan: "Never saw it coming, caught in a cross-fire. The shrapnel tore through my left shoulder, wrist, face, neck, ear …" He suffered Traumatic Brain Injury, suffers Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, deaf in one ear, except for the constant ringing which tends to drown everything out.

Dan is telling me this standing on the banks of the Farmington River in New Hartford, Conn. He sticks out his left arm and pulls up the sleeve, I see that "most" of his left wrist is still there. "Good thing it's not my casting arm."

Don't worry, we will keep you informed about all of Don's new efforts.

photo: Don Barone / ESPN.com

Don Barone Outdoors

We just got a heads up about a new website from our ESPN pal Don Barone. Don is pretty closed mouthed about it but rumor has it that whatever lurks behind the homepage DonBaroneOutdoors.com will be pretty off the hook.

Watch for Don's site to go live January 1st. Check out some of DB's previous work by following this link.

ESPN's Don Barone: The Haunted Fishing Lodge

ESPN feature producer Don Barone's latest story is a holiday tale complete with ghost hunters, professional bass anglers, bone collectors, a Montreal Whore, ghosts who like to spoon you, and a haunted fishing lodge with owners who have grown accustomed to dealing withe the supernatural on a daily basis.

Bernice," I say, "not to be unjournalistic, but WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, NUTS? Why do you stay?"

"Sometimes," she replies, "when I'm in the lodge, in the laundry room, I hear this voice telling me to get out, get out."

"And what do you do?"

"I leave. When it tells me to leave I get out, because I don't know what's going to happen.

I know we say this a lot about Barone's articles but you need to read this one to believe it... (editor's note: I laughed until Snapple came out my nose.)

ESPN's Don Barone: TunaMaster Skeet

ESPN's Don Barone has been fishing again. This time he takes his "butt replacement doctor" and 2007 BASS Angler of the year (AOY) Skeet Reese on a tuna fishing trip.

Picture this: I'm sitting on the rail/facing/whatever the front of the boat is called, and in my hand (running parallel to the back of the boat), is this fully-loaded tackle thing with a fairly peeved 30-pound fish swimming away as fast as it can from the exact spot where I'm sitting, feet dangling, just minding my own non-fishing-at-the-moment business.
And Skeet then lets GO of the rod.

Mac, too far away to save what he calls "his hips" (implanted in me, mind you) can only stare.
Santini and the Captain are frozen in space — I, unfortunately, am not.

Somehow, in a momentary alignment of the fish planets, the striper seems to sense the AOY isn't holding the stick anymore. And that in some stroke of luck the MOY (Moron of the Year) is now controlling his bass fate, and so it pops into fish fifth gear, which completely swings me around, stands me straight up, and frankly almost over the damned Skip-A-Dory side.

Behind me, Skeet is laughing, running around looking for a camera. I manage to get my other hand around and onto the rod at about the same time the fish realizes the stupid one is actually at the other end of the line. And so he dives. Straight down.

My left leg and $23,413.37 hip comes off the ground. Out loud I curse Steve Bowman, knowing that somehow this must be his pet fish about to drown me.

Then Skeet says "Here, put it in your groin."

Read the rest of the story at ESPN.com Photo Credit Don Barone.

ESPN'S Baron: On Fishing With Billionaires

ESPN feature producer Don Barone is so entertaining that we should probably name him the "Outdoor Writer Laureate" of FlyfishMagazine.com. The fact that he is already a highly paid ESPN employee is however somewhat problematic.

Don's latest story lets us follow him as he goes small mouth Bass fishing on Lake Erie with Buffalo, NY whipped topping magnet and fishing Billionaire, Bob Rich. Heavy rains and lightning, Niagara Falls and a finicky outboard motor make for the kind of story you just know couldn't possibly be made up:

Since this is where all of Lake Erie drains into the Niagara River — which is something I'm kind of focusing on right now, since we are shooting along in the current in a boat with the motor turned off, and I know that the Niagara River has this nasty habit of draining over NIAGARA FALLS — and have I mentioned, the damned boat isn't turned on?
And when he goes to start it, the motor coughs and goes silent.

True story!

It's about here that I'm thinking maybe I've pushed myself too hard in trying to land that mocha layered ice cream dessert thing.

So as we shoot along in the current, Capt. Jim looks back at Bob and says, "I should probably have that engine looked at."

YOU THINK?

And maybe before you shut it off ABOVE the falls.

Read Don Barone's latest misadventure via ESPN Outdoors.

Barone on Bass

ESPN's Don Barone takes on the world of the Bassmasters and finds out it's harder than it looks to be a professional bass wrangler.

"Imagine a football team, say the Buffalo Bills, playing Monday Night Football, then Tuesday Night Football, then Wednesday Night Football … which, if they do good, gets them to play Thursday Night Football and possibly Friday Night Football, all in the same week.

Oh, and the games are eight quarters long (Math teachers don't even think of sending me email about the eight quarters reference, I'm fully aware that with the NFL Math sudden-death rule most games never make it past the fifth quarter).

And getting to the bass fishing spot, well that's sort of like riding a bucking bull, except you'd have to stick a rocket in his ass, and light it."


Read "Big-time ESPN writer/producer finds in bass world he's just a candy-ass co-angler."

Part II from ESPN's Don Barone

In Part II of Don Barone's story "Adirondack Jack, Brown Trout, & Bigfoot" Don continues his remote fishing trip with the "mountain man and counter terrorism guy" only to find out that the mountain man regularly has run-ins with Bigfoot on the creek bank (sort of anyway).

"Yep, we're here. This is where I first came across those Bigfoot tracks."
At which Denver about gets whiplash turning his head to look at me.

"Ahhhh … sorry, Den. Didn't I mention …?"

Yeah, seems that over the past 10 years or so while out fishing the remote streams of the Adirondacks, ADK keeps coming across what he says are Bigfoot tracks.

"I've seen some unusual tracks of some human-like creature," he says. "The tracks are 17, 18 inches long, twice as wide as a human's foot. Big strides. You're talking about a 6-foot stride between each foot. I've seen 15 tracks in four different locations."

We here at FlyfishMagazine.com have been known to tell our fishing pals the this same sort of story as a means to keep them away from the better fishing holes. We tend to refer to snakes, bears, wild hogs or even the occasional panther but we never thought of using Bigfoot until we read Don's latest story!

Read Part II via ESPN Outdoors.

Here's a link to Part I in case you need to catch up.

Photo credit Don Barone.

ESPN's Don Barone : Fishing With Spies

One of the most entertaining outdoor writers we know is ESPN's Don Barone. This time he is fishing with his friend who won't say exactly what he does for a living.

ADK: "So, Denver, where do you work?"

Denver: "The N.S.A."

ADK: "Oh, immigration … that there National Immigration Service Department."

Me: "He's a spy, Jack."

Denver: "Oh, dear Lord no …"

ADK: "You know, Denver, my brother-in-law there was some sort of border patrol guy, too."

Denver: "Not N.I.S. … N …S …A!"

ADK: "I was sort of in the same field. I did Brinks work for 13 years …"

Denver: "That's very nice, Jack."

Me, leaning over and whispering: "Denver, just freakin' order."

Read the rest of his adventures, including some fishing via ESPN Outdoors.

Ps. You also might want to try your own hand at the spy game by visiting this link to the BBC's own Spy Academy.

ESPN's Don Barone: "A Day at The Race"

ESPN feature producer Don Barone writes about a different sort of day at the race. It's not Nascar but rather fishing "The Race" where the Long Island Sound meets the Atlantic. This time Don is fishing with members of the Danbury Rod & Reel Club and their quarry included big striper and bluefish. Having recently visited Danbury, CT I had no idea that such an organization existed. They sound like our sort of people:

"Guys who tie each other up with fishing wire when one falls asleep. Guys who stay at a nearby casino the night before and call down to the front desk to ask for a wake-up call answer the question, "And, sir, at what time would you like that call?" by saying, calmly, "In 15 minutes." And they get it.

Guys who, even after eight hours give you only about 10 minutes of quotes you can actually print. ("Hey, D.B.," I kept hearing. "That one would be the end of your career, huh?" Oh, yeah.)"

By the way, we realize this article of Don's isn't about fly fishing (they are dropping diamond jigs from a head boat) but we wanted to point it out anyway since we like Don's style.

ESPN's Don Barone on Fishing the Miramichi

Don Barone is a most excellent example of an author and ESPN Feature Producer. Recently he emailed me a link to a story about his adventures while salmon fishing the Miramich River. Along the way he and his "Butt Doctor" meet up with a clown - complete with blinking red nose (at a urinal no less), Ted William's waders (on the wall of his favorite lodge), and the 82 years young salmon angler Annie Pearson (in a boat of course).

The first day there, Annie told me: "The person who catches the most fish sits at the head of the dinner table, and their rod goes on top all the other rods in the rack." Most days, Annie sat at the head, and her fishing rod, at the top.

Be sure to read the entire article and whatever you do don't skip the photo albums. In my experience it seems that the surreal is often attracted to the fly angler. I am not sure why exactly. Maybe the universe just smiles on us. This excellent story proves my point.

(Photo Credit - Don Barone)