High Levels of THC Reported in Colorado Trout Waters

Smoke on the water? 

Fisheries biologists from Colorado have discovered high levels of Tetrahydrocannabinol  (THC) in their state's trout waters.   For non fishing guides, THC is the active ingredient in marijuana. Elevated levels of the compound were first noticed during a recent survey on the state's aptly named "Dream Stream".  Marijuana or "Mary Jane" as it is also called, is legal in several Western states.  It is believed that the contaminant may be the direct result of cannabis using anglers "answering nature's call" during their time on the water.

Anglers who frequent the state's once pristine trout waters have reported an enhanced sense of mellowness and oneness with the river.  Although, some have experienced darker feelings, including the sense that "the game warden is literally behind that tree right over there."   Effects on trout are largely unknown but fish have been reported lackadaisically hanging out near the tail of pools with bloodshot eyes and voracious appetites.

One  local fly shop owner is making the best of this environmental challenge by selling a line of fly patterns (or trout edibles) that take advantage of the situation.  "Mark my words, it wont be long before anglers visiting my shop are telling tales of catching massive trout on size 22 Doritos flies."   Overall, the impact on fisheries tourism seems to have been a net positive with the shop's new #420onthewater hashtag, already having a large following.

To see other articles which we have posted on April 1st follow this link.  

Breaking News - Glass is dead

Sources with close ties to the fly fishing industry are reporting that glass passed away in its sleep late last night and is now dead.  Despite a recent resurgence in popularity among younger anglers and hipsters,  the once vibrant glass succumbed to surging prices for rods that were once considered the lower end of fly fishing performance.  

 An anonymous rod manufacturer was quick to respond to our request for comment this morning with the following statement:  "Obviously glass will be missed.  However, it was only matter of time before anglers casting abilities got better and the need for the slower rods gave way to the need to punch tight loops into the wind."

Bamboo also weighed in about his less pretentious brother, "He was a good rod but always wanted to be as prestigious as me.  We had a contentious relationship, with him often boasting about only having to have one tip and being able to fish in the rain without warping." He then, strangely, followed his statement by yelling out #GrassIsNotDead. Graphite was not available for comment due to the threat of a severe thunderstorm in the area.

Thus far, all attempts to locate Cameron Mortenson have been unsuccessful.

Bristol Bay Salmon Plan Massive Suicide Protest

(Iliamna, AK) Insider sources within the piscatorial community recently revealed plans for a massive protest against the proposed Pebble Mine project within the Bristol Bay region of Alaska. The source, who for the sake of anonymity we shall refer to as "Hookjaw", and who is a member of a group known as the "Bristol Bay Reds" revealed a highly coordinated plan in which millions of Sockeye and other specie of salmonid plan to give their lives later this year. The mass suicide is intended as a means of protesting the possible fouling of their birth waters by what they refer to as the "Pebble Mine disaster."

Our insider further revealed that massive numbers of the fish are planning to gather off of the Alaska coast before starting the long journey upstream to the home of their youth. Once they have made the perilous trek past commercial fishing vessels, recreational anglers, grizzly bear, and other threats, their plan is to locate a member of the opposite sex for one last fling. The female salmon will then go about the business of laying their eggs while the males stand watch and skirmish among themselves and the region's massive rainbow trout (who hope to make a meal on the salmon's eggs).

Those who survive and complete their procreation will gather one last time and die together in what they hope the world will view as a huge show of solidarity for the cause of fish everywhere. "We will be giving our lives so that both our fry and the very lifestyle of the Bristol Bay region can continue to exist" said one participant. "We only hope that the land dwelling people will take notice and stop this before it all comes to an end."

A spokesperson for company behind the mining project said, "We hear rumors of this sort of thing every year." "While we sympathize with the effect this has on the land dwelling people of Bristol Bay, we really can't concern ourselves with the actions of a radical fringe group such as the Sockeye."

Fly Fishing Headline News: Brownline Edition

April 1st, 2009

All the news that's fit to print, brought to you today from the FlyfishMagazine.com Northern base of operations in Cherry Hill, NJ:

An obscure fly fishing industry think tank, today announced the creation of the "IBFFA" or "International Brownline Fly Fishing Association." Among the stated mission of the exclusive and secretive organization is to "maintain an official Brownline Hall of Fame which would be a repository for specie specific records relating to rough fish." In addition to certification of the usual line class records, the IBFFA would also maintain "effluent class requirements" relating to the minimum pollution requirements found in the water wherein record candidate fish was caught.

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In a related story, it has been reported that Tom Chandler of the Trout Underground, today filed seeking trademark protection for the following terms:

Greenline Fly Fishing - Fly fishing only those areas with a median family income in excess of $100k per year.

Grayline Fly Fishing - Fly fishing only in areas frequented by tour buses.

Redline Fly Fishing - Fly fishing only in active war zones.

Thin Blueline Fly Fishing - Fly Fishing only in high crime areas.

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Captain Gordon Churchill, still distraught from the elimination of his Duke Blue Devils from this year's NCAA tournament, has announced his efforts to garner favor from newly converted brownline anglers for his beloved Redfish by hereafter referring to them as "Sea Carp."

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Proponents of Alaska's proposed Pebble Mine see good things in store for brownliner's should their open pit gold mine come to fruition. "Anglers should think of the mine and its tailings as the world's largest and newest brownline fishery."

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Finally, insert your own version of headline here re: Newly formed video production company embraces brownlining, selects "Carp Bums" as name.

Fly Fishing April Fool's Day Posts We'd Enjoy

If you are reading this blog or others of its ilk then obviously you are far too smart to be hooked by the typical April Fool's Day blog posting. Since we didn't have time to put the work into it that some others on the net do, we decided to forgo the trickery and skip ahead to a few April Fools Day Headlines we would particularly enjoy seeing:

Rare Breed of Fresh Water (insert tropical gamefish of your choice Tarpon, Peacock Bass etc.)to be Stocked in Carolina Lakes.

In a "perfect storm" of subprime mortgages and housing bubbles the Federal government siezes all private trout streams as part of a massive bail out and opens them as national parks.

Michael Jackson announces bid to purchase Spring Ridge Club. Present owner staying on as "personal" assistant.

Bamboo declared over-priced invasive grass, graphite is for pencils, fiberglass only rod for true purist. Eagle Claw stock at all time high.

In what can only be equated to the days of the Internet bubble, venture capitalist's fervently seek out fly fishing bloggers in blatant move to dispose of excess capital. Burn rates thought to be at their highest since 90's.

We know you can do much better - Leave your own April Fool's Day headline in the comments.

Pebble Creek Mine Plan Altered

The company that proposed the Pebble Creek Mine in Alaska has decided to abandon plans for a copper mine on the site and instead create a conservation minded "destination club resort."

This "mine-centric conservation community" will include trophy trout fishing on a private lake surrounded by a gated "executive estate community". The newly hired Vice President of Development for the resort, Donny Badger, indicated that such a change in course was a "no brainer" for investors in the project. "After all, the price of copper goes up one day and down the next, but people of high net worth will always pay big bucks to fish exclusive water while keeping away from the common riff-raff."

An artists rendering of the proposed design for the community accompanies this article. Luxury home sites will start at $500,000 with "mine rim view lots" running in excess of seven figures.

Angling Conservation Groups to Embrace Bait

Citing recent studies that show the ranks of fishermen to be shrinking, rumor has it that groups like the FFF and TU will begin a membership drive aimed at bringing bait fishermen onto their membership rolls.

A spokesman who declined to be named said, "it simply comes down to a matter of numbers," he stated, "if we can get $25 a year from 1/2 the bait fishermen on the planet we will be able to fund our efforts for a virtual eternity." When asked about the obvious question of increased fish mortality at the hands of anglers using bait he further explained that they were more than prepared to look the other way. "A large percentage of the funding we get from the increased membership will allow us lobby for a greater number of catch and release regulated streams."

Industry analysts expect a similar shift by fly shop owners across the United States as many begin including cricket cages and coolers full of red wigglers nicely packaged in Styrofoam containers.